Best “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” Quote
2024 marks the 35th Anniversary of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, the third installment in Chevy Chase’s Lampoon films. While the film was initially met with mixed reviews when it was released in December 1989, it has gone on to be considered a holiday classic, delighting audiences from multiple generations. A big part of the appeal is the laugh-a-minute script by 80s cinema icon John Hughes, who managed to wring biting sarcasm and genuine emotion out of the Griswold family’s Christmas from hell. So join the Great Pop Culture Debate players as they refill their eggnog, take an imaginary dip in an inground pool, and bring out the rubber sheets and gerbils while reenacting the debating the Best Quote from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
Join host Eric Rezsnyak and GPCD panelists Karissa Kloss, Michael Schwarz, and Zack Derby as they check their shitters, and then debate 16 of the most iconic quotes from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
Play along at home by finding the listener bracket here. Make a copy for yourself, fill it out, and see if your picks match up with ours!
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Round 1 Match-Ups:
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Match-Up 1:
“Shitter was full.”
VS.
“WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We’re at the threshold of hell.”
Match-Up 2:
“You set standards that no family activity can live up to.”
VS.
“Talk about pissing your money away. I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was.”
Match-Up 3:
“Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.”
VS.
“Bend over and I’ll show you.”
Match-Up 4:
“ I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands. One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”
VS.
“What? What happened? Whoooph! I guess... it wouldn’t be any... woah, hehe... wouldn’t be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they... HOTTER than they are! Wooo, it IS warm in here.”
Match-Up 5:
“Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.”
VS.
“Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?”
Match-Up 6:
“That somethin’ ain’t it? She falls down a well, her eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back to normal. I don’t know.”
VS.
“ She’ll see it later, hon. Her eyes are frozen.”
Match-Up 7:
“Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here! With a big ribbon on his head! And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?”
VS.
“And why is the carpet all wet, *Todd*?”
Match-Up 8:
“Well, I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.”
VS.
“Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.”
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Episode Credits
Host: Eric Rezsnyak
Panel: Karissa Kloss, Michael Schwarz, Zack Derby
Producer: Bob Erlenback
Editor: Bob Erlenback
Theme Music: “Dance to My Tune” by Marc Torch
