RECAP: “RuPaul’s Drag Race Global All Stars” Episode 11 (LaLaPaRuZa)
Well my goodness, wasn’t THAT pleasant? After nearly a whole season of sturm und drang. After episode after episode of shady comments and questionable judging. After weeks of full-throated bitching from the fandom writ large, in Episode 11 we finally got back to the collegiality and excitement that I felt in the first two episodes of “Global All Stars.” The eight eliminated queens returned for a lipsynch smackdown to determine the title of International Lipsynch Assassin, and win $50,000. Everyone was so pleasant. Everyone seemed happy to be there. People actually seemed to be having fun and supporting one another. This is the vibe I was hoping for from the whole season. That is obviously not what we got, but this felt like a window into what could have been. Something light and buzzy and exciting!
And the funny thing is, most of the lipsynch performances were not that great. I clocked early this season that most of the 12 queens in “Global All Stars” were not strong lipsynchers. That was bound to happen when you cast almost exclusively queens who were finalists in their original seasons (except Alyssa Edwards and Tessa Testicle, both of whom lipsynched at least 3 times before being eliminated in their first go-arounds). But I checked, and three of the remaining 10 had never lipsynched for their lives prior to “Global All Stars” (Nehellenia, Kitty Scott-Claus, Pythia); an additional three had only lipsynched once in their original seasons (Athena Likis, Eva LeQueen, Miranda LeBrao). So these were mostly queens not known for their lipsynching skills, who were picked because they tended to be good at “Drag Race” in general.
So the lipsynchs by and large did not blow my mind. But I did absolutely love watching all the queens interact once again, especially in the “Untucked” lounge, where they all spoke freely and shared their enthusiasm for one another. That was so lovely, and it makes me genuinely question if editors really leaned on the catty confessionals to manufacture drama, because there seemed to be no hard feelings from my perspective.
Note that there will be spoilers below, and I STRONGLY encourage you to watch the episode before reading on. Not yet signed up for Paramount+? Click right here:
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ROUND 1: Vanity Vain vs. Eva LeQueen, “Just What They Want”
Vanity was the first queen selected by the wheel of chance — spun by Pit Crew member Manuel, and where exactly have we been hiding HIM all season, show? — and she selected Eva as her opponent. Solid strategy on Vanity’s part, because Eva gave arguably the worst lipsynch of the season in the episode where she went home. She’s a great queen, but I don’t think she expected to be lipsynching, and when put in that position the desperation to stay was almost palpable. So Vanity — who literally sent home half the cast via lipsynch this season, that’s not an exaggeration — likely thought she had a free pass to advance to Round 2 by going with Eva.
But Eva is smart, and when given the opportunity to select from the list of RuPaul songs (the members of my viewing party groused about this, but Ru gotta sell those downloads and licensing rights are probably much cheaper than virtually any other song by an artist you know), she went with the lyrics-heavy “Just What They Want,” used prominently in the U.S. Season 14 promo. Eva is limited in her dancing ability and stunts, but she knows how to learn the lyrics, and that proved to be her big advantage here. Because Vanity, by her own admission, clearly did not bother to learn this song. It was evident almost from the jump and became even more obvious as the song went on.
I get that English is not Vanity’s native tongue, and she was probably pretty over lipsynching by the time she got eliminated a few weeks back. But it is such a rookie mistake to not learn the lyrics to a lipsynch, ESPECIALLY if it’s a Ru song. You think she’s not going to clock that?
Vanity tried her best to distract from her lack of lyrical accuracy with some ponytail-ography, while Eva delivered a subdued but lyrically on point performance. And ultimately she was rewarded for knowing her words, as she advanced to Round 2. Vanity took the loss well, and knew she done fucked up.
ROUND 2: Tessa Testicle vs. Soa de Muse, “A.S.M.R. Lover”
Soa de Muse was the second pick of the wheel, and she picked Tessa Testicle for her opponent. I admire her not taking the easy route (Pythia, obviously the least-natural lipsyncher left on the stage). That was bold, since Tessa won three lipsynchs on “Drag Race Germany.”
Tessa picked “A.S.M.R. Lover,” the promo song for U.S. Season 15; it’s a great Ru song, even if the lyrics are total nonsense. This was a tighter battle, but still not great. Soa just seemed to have fun with the song, giving us sexy poses and natural movements. Tessa went harder with it, and tried busting out some tricks — but they didn’t always land. There was one split that just didn’t, well, split.
In a battle between effortless sex appeal and try-hard stunt queen, sex won the night, and Soa advanced to Round 2. Tessa had a great run this season, and the queens backstage — especially Alyssa — were all proud of the job she did. Tessa should be proud. She has grown tremendously in a very short amount of time. I would love to see her brought back again someday.
ROUND 3: Athena Likis vs. Pythia “Jealous of My Boogie”
First-out Athena was the third pick of the wheel, and she decided to go up against her Francophone Greek sister Pythia, who was also her closest friend in the competition. I guess if you’re going to be in a situation like this, you want to have fun with your friends. And that’s what Athena did here.
Pythia was smart to pick “Boogie,” used way back in U.S. Season 2, as it was probably the most mid-tempo song left on the list. But this was no contest in Athena’s favor. Athena was having fun, and looking sexy and strong in a giant (faux, I assume) fur coat, with a smaller bolero fur underneath. She looked great and showed confidence and personality in this song. I wish we’d seen more of this from her in the first few episodes, because I think Ru could have really come to love this queen. Pythia had a great run on “Global All Stars” — had she made it to the final I think she would have been a contender for the win, for real — but while she is super strong in certain areas (design, comedy, creativity), she is simply not a dancer or lipsynch artist. So Athena got the nod and moved onto Round 2, and Pythia was eliminated.
ROUND 4: Gala Varo vs. Miranda LeBrao “Cha-Cha Bitch”
Possibly our most lopsided match of the night. Gala is a very strong lipsyncher who is able to serve up sex and stunts. Miranda is funny. She’s never going to out-sex or out-dance Gala in a song, and she knew that going into this lipsynch. So she decided to focus on being goofy, and also props.
And to be honest, I think she nearly pulled it off. While Gala was serving easily the best moves we saw of the night, whipping that long, luxurious wig around and bending over so much they literally had to blur out her asshole, Miranda was giving us clown faces and then, out of nowhere, whipping out a tiny umbrella filled with glitter. She used the prop with surprising effectiveness, and was winning me over. Just then Gala’s wig detached from her head and I honest-to-god assumed that was the end for Gala. The other queens watching in “Untucked” did too; there were actual looks of horror on their faces as Gala’s wig became unglued and she had to rip it off mid-performance.
But even a wig malfunction wasn’t enough to hold Gala back, and she advanced to the next round. Miranda seemed a little salty about it (which lines up with the Miranda I saw in “Drag Race Brasil,” who could get quite prickly when she didn’t feel a result was fair). But I think Miranda was the REAL winner of this episode, as she was asked to film a hilarious hamfisted Klarna integrated marketing bit. I cackled and applauded at my screen. Miranda LeBrao, you will always be famous for this moment! And why do we not have an actual drag queen named Klarna, sponsored by Klarna?
Round 5: Gala Varo vs. Eva LeQueen “Call Me Mother”
This was basically a repeat of previous lipsynchs. Gala had booted Eva from the competition after the movie parody challenge, and Eva once again picked the song with the most lyrics in the hopes of putting her opponent at a disadvantage. I actually think she was right here, too, as I don’t think Gala knew those lyrics anywhere near as well as Eva did. But I’m also not sure it mattered, because Gala’s performance was just so much stronger than Eva’s, that she didn’t really stand a chance. Eva made an attempt, I’ll give her that. But Gala is simply too captivating a dancer. Even if the lipsynch wasn’t on point, you could argue that you were barely watching her lips since Gala dominated that stage. And sure enough, Gala advanced to the Final 2, while Eva was eliminated.
Round 6: Athena Likis vs. Soa de Muse “U Wear It Well”
This was the song and the match-up I was least invested in when it was announced, but I think it may have been the best lipsynch of the night. I’ve just never been a fan of this Season 8 promo song, and neither Soa nor Athena are particularly electric lipsynch performers in genreal. But both Athena and Soa were invested here. No big tricks. No gag-worthy moments (although I enjoyed the synchronized catwalk). They just both lived this song and served pussy on the stage.
The queens backstage were losing it over this one, and some (Alyssa for sure) seemed to think it could be a double win, because both queens did so well, and there was no clear winner. But that wasn’t the case. In the end, Soa got the tip, and Athena was eliminated. But she should be REALLY pleased with her performance this episode. I think she redeemed herself quite a bit, and between this and the makeover, I suspect she won over even more fans than she did in her original three episodes. Kudos to you, Athena.
Final Round: Soa de Muse vs. Gala Varo “The Beginning”
Ru took the girls all the way back to Season 5’s finale song (possible hint at an Alyssa crowning next week?), as Gala and Soa battled it to “The Beginning.” This was no contest for me. Gala did lay down some great dance moves; she moves beautifully, both gracefully and with raw sexual power. Soa took a more simplified approach, but radiated joy. Soa knows how to serve FACE in a song. She was absolutely beaming throughout this, and it was such a pleasure to watch. None of her moves were reinventing the rules of drag. She wasn’t blowing any minds with her props or her stunts. She was just telling the story of the song and feeling her oats. And that’s what it took: she won, and RuPaul herself looked truly pleased to announce it.
Good for Soa, who I think needed to have a Moment this season. Good for Gala, who has emerged as a fan favorite this time around, and very nearly fought her way to that $50K prize. And good for all the other eliminated queens, who each got $1K from Klarna. I wonder if that will be paid out in four easy installments?
Next: it’s the finale. A rumix. A TicTac lunch. Presumably a Best Drag runway. Who do you think will win this season? Will it be Alyssa Edwards? Kitty Scott-Claus? Kween Kong? Or will our Cinderella story Nehellenia pull out an upset? Drop your thoughts in the comments.
Your international-season homework this week: “Drag Race Thailand” Season 3 debuted this week after many years off the air. There have been some big changes to the format, bringing it more in line with the traditional “Drag Race” experience. I’m not sure that was for the better; Season 2 of “DRT” was legendary in part because literally anything could and DID happen. You should go back and watch it on WoW Presents Plus. If you enjoy the chaotic energy and stunning queens of “Drag Race Philippines,” I strongly recommend watching “Thailand” S2.
As for “DRT” S3, the jury is still very much out. Pangina Heals felt strangely off as the sole host this time around (although it was lovely to see Art Arya as a guest judge), and based on Episode 1, I’m not convinced this group is up to the level of the “DRT2” girls. That talent show had some of the worst performances I’ve seen on ANY “Drag Race,” and the audio and video editing for the episode were appalling. I’ll keep watching, and I will keep supporting because I want this franchise to flourish. But it’s a rough start. Go back and watch Season 2 instead, for now.