RECAP: “RuPaul’s Drag Race Global All Stars” Episode 9 (Makeover)
Another episode of “Global All Stars,” yet more allegations of rigged judging. But this time the typical narrative was reversed. For the first time in the entire competition, one of the pre-season Ru Girls (queens who had been judged by RuPaul previously) landed in the Bottom 2, and one of the non-English-speaking queens was allegedly pushed to the win. Were the results truly that scandalous? I don’t believe so. I think the placements this week were all justified, and ultimately it all shook out as it was supposed to. But if there’s one thing you can count on “Global All Stars” to accomplish, it is to piss people off every single week.
Let’s get into the makeover challenge, in which the eliminated queens were brought back and turned into the drag sisters of the existing Top 6. Below find my take on each pair of queens. Before we get into it, we need to acknowledge a universal truth: judging in makeover episodes is always, ALWAYS bullshit. No other challenge on this show is as subjective as the makeover, and it is ripe for exploitation by Production to either push a queen for storyline purposes, or to chop a queen for whom they have no further need. We have seen it over and over and over again on every single “Drag Race” franchise. The judges use wildly differing criteria in their judging, sometimes even directly contradicting themselves from season to season. It’s just the way the game works.
Note that there will be spoilers below, and I STRONGLY encourage you to watch the episode before reading on. Not yet signed up for Paramount+? Click right here:
Nehellenia & Zirconia (AKA Pythia)
Nehellenia got her first maxi-challenge win! “Italia” queen Nehellenia has done well overall this competition — she has never been in the Bottom 2 — and has certainly been the center of attention on more than one occasion. I had thought we had moved past all the negativity that Nelly was dealing with from the other queens in the first few weeks following the talent shows, but apparently not because the queens were coming for Nelly tonight. It started even before the new challenge began, with Alyssa Edwards — playfully, I think — calling out Nelly for calling her “grandma” in last week’s roast, and challenging her to a flexibility competition. That energy continued in the mini-challenge, in which the Top 6 had to vote for one another for various superlatives (and reads). Alyssa was flabbergasted that Nehellenia did not win the Shadiest Queen designation and was not shy about saying it.
But things got really spicy after judging for the makeover, when it was clear that Nehellenia and her partner, Pythia, were likely in the top, and “Down Under”’s Kween Kong just absolutely could not stand it. She repeatedly voiced her issues with Nehellenia’s makeover, specifically focusing on Pythia’s make-up, or lack thereof. Here’s my thing: I too noticed that the lower half of Pythia’s face had fairly little product on it (that we could see). There was no real contouring, very little blending. Kween stated repeatedly that she could see Pythia’s beard, but if I may: Pythia is a very hairy person (not a criticism, just an observation); I suspect she has 5 o’clock shadow by 2pm or earlier. I think Nelly did the best she could working with a completely different level of facial hair than she had ever worked with. And the eye make-up on both of them was basically identical.
Beyond that, the family resemblance was undeniable. Nehellenia and Pythia had the best looks of the night by a WIDE margin, they worked together brilliantly on the runway, there was a real synergy between them. The challenge was not strictly a make-up challenge. It wasn’t. There were numerous components, and even if you accept Kween’s criticisms about Nelly’s make-up on Pythia, you can’t deny that the pair was very strong in multiple other areas here. Nehellenia earned that win, she doesn’t owe anybody anything, and if the fandom was not already rallying around her before this episode (spoiler: it absolutely was), it’s a full-on Nehellenia Fest now given the Cinderella story she is currently experiencing.
Kween Kong & Prenene Kong (AKA Soa de Muse)
I’m quite confident that Kween Kong is going to get ripped to shreds on the internet over her behavior in tonight’s episode, so I’m not going to add to that barrage. Instead I’m going to speak directly to her challenge performance. First, I think Kween did a great job assigning partners in this challenge. Wherever possible, she picked what I think were naturally complimentary pairings. Nelly and Pythia were the closest to each other. Kitty and Miranda were the comedy queens. And Kween immediately grabbed “Drag Race France” queen Soa for herself, to give us black and brown excellence.
And that’s what they gave us in this challenge. Without question Kween did the best on the make-up challenge portion of this episode. Without question. Soa has literally never looked more lovely than she did tonight — RuPaul even basically told her she should keep that mug, because it really speaks to the star inside Soa — and the two of them undeniably looked like siblings. They also had great chemistry on the runway, and seemed to be having a ball.
Where I think Kween fell short was on the looks. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t bad. They both looked good. I liked the exaggerated gold boas/shrugs. But aside from those, the outfits weren’t particularly attention grabbing or interesting. Well made? Sure. Had a point of view? I can see it. But they did not have a “wow” factor. I think that is what ultimately hurt Kween’s chances of winning, especially because Nelly and Pythia’s frocks were the definition of “wow.” For that reason, I think the silver medal is fully justified for Kween and Soa.
I will add that, as a major Kween Kong fan, I was confused by her attitude in this episode, and I’m concerned about how this will ultimately impact her chances at the crown. If she makes it to the finale — and with only one elimination left, I think that’s likely at this point — this episode will likely cost her a lot of fan support. And that does play a role in who is ultimately selected as the winner of a season. It just does.
Alyssa Edwards & Eva Edwards (AKA Eva LaQueen)
Alyssa decided to go for a bee theme, which was…a concept, I guess. Execution wise, it was bee through a 60s mod lens. Again, an unusual choice. I thought both queens looked good, but if I’m being honest, I thought the looks were a little too simple for my tastes, and Eva did not particularly seem engaged in this challenge. I’m not sure on which one of them that reflects more poorly, but of the six eliminated girls, Eva had the lowest energy and seemed to put in the least effort.
While Alyssa and Eva were ranked High for this challenge, in my opinion, Alyssa was once again the definition of Safe. Those outfits were never going to win, and it’s not like she took a radically different approach to Eva’s make-up either. Alyssa has been saying for episodes now, “I didn’t come here to be Safe.” And yet, week after week, that is what she has been giving us. I continue to be astonished at how middle-of-the-road Alyssa has been this season. I was expecting so much more. I think everyone was. Probably even Alyssa.
Tessa Testicle & Messa Mesticle (AKA Athena Likis)
This is a tricky one, because I thought Tessa and Athena had one of the best presentations on the runway, with Tessa playing a mad scientist (bonkers that this is the second mad scientist she has played this season), and Athena as her slutty drag creation. I thought they were both a lot of fun, and they both looked good — although Athena definitely stole the show from Tessa here. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say, Tessa gave Athena the opportunity to shine, and Athena took it.
That was the loveliest part of this episode for me. Athena really didn’t get much of a chance to show what she can do, getting eliminated in Episode 3 after a fairly controversial judging. She’s a great queen, and we got to see so much of her personality in this episode. She was having FUN here, and playing a character that was WAY outside her comfort zone. I have a feeling Athena will gain more fans from her bits in this episode than she did from Episodes 1-3, and honestly, it’s deserved. I was so happy to see all the queens back, but Athena most of all, since she got such short shrift.
Although they were super fun on the runway, the judges — especially Michelle — immediately clocked the lack of family resemblance. There was no way around that. The make-up was completely dissimilar, the styling didn’t seem cohesive. Tessa put performance way over aesthetic and I think that missed the mark here. Still, she had some great moments this episode with Athena, and especially with RuPaul and guest host Diane Brill from “Drag Race Germany” (who was great, BTW; and I KNEW she and Ru had to be old friends), and I continue to be really proud of Tessa for what she has done this season. She came in the longest of longshots and she has made the Final 5. That is astonishing, truly.
Kitty Scott-Claus & Puppy Scott-Paws (AKA Miranda LeBrao)
Although this pairing was Bottom 2 — justified, I think — I loved watching them this week. Miranda was an absolute hoot, effortless gathering Kitty in several instances, making it clear to everyone that Kitty’s style of drag is generally pretty basic. Miranda was shading with love — I didn’t feel any negativity or malice there — and Kitty took it all in stride. It was a great dynamic.
On the runway, Kitty decided to put the two of them in uninspiring nightie looks, with eye masks as a kind of fascinator. The plotline for their presentation was that Kitty was the older sister forcing her bratty younger sister to go on a modeling shoot, and Miranda really played up the bored, uninterested little sister.
The judges had issues with the looks, and also the presentation, which RuPaul all but named as tired and cliched. It’s true, we’ve seen this dynamic a million times, and it’s just not that exciting anymore. As for the looks, Kitty was visibly frustrated at her drag being called “basic,” saying that is not what she came on “Global All Stars” to show and that’s just…fascinating to me. Truly. Because, listen, Kitty has legit done really well in the challenges this season. There’s a reason she has three wins, and even if you despute one or two of them, there’s no doubt that performance-wise she is one of our most consistent queens in this group. But her fashion has, with a few notable exceptions, been deeply underwhelming. Kitty herself does not seem to see that. That’s a concern for me. It tells me that Kitty is not seeing what everyone else is seeing, and brings in the conversation about taste level. I think everyone left except maybe Vanity has reliably had stronger runways than Kitty, and even Vanity — and several of the eliminated girls — have even bested her in looks on some weeks.
Vanity Vain & Insanity Van (AKA Gala Varo)
Poor Vanity has been been in a death spiral for weeks now, and this challenge was never going to help her. Vanity decided to give a “rock star stewardess” look that RuPaul flat-out asked her to elevate while in the walkthrough. Vanity said she had no idea how to do that, so she was just going to stick to her plan. And that’s when you should have known she was fucked.
Vanity’s outfits were giving Party City 2000s scenester x Lolita Parade, and they simply were not up to the level everyone else was serving. Gala seemed game to do whatever Vanity asked, but openly questioned some of Vanity’s aesthetic choices. (The bit with the Facetune app made me LOL; get that product-placement moolah, show!) I think this was one of the weaker pairings chemistry wise, and ultimately I just felt bad for the both of them.
The Bottom 3 was Tessa, Kitty, and Vanity, and while Tessa was ready to go into the lipsync, it was surprisingly Kitty v. Vanity. This was Vanity’s fourth time in the Bottom 2 — fifth time lipsynching this season overall! — whereas Kitty had never lipsynced for her life literally ever on “Drag Race.” She was understandably nervous going into it, but I think Kitty lucked out with the song choice of “Believe” by Cher. Check out the lipsync here:
“Believe” is a gay classic. I would never speak ill of it. I just don’t think it makes for a great lipsync song. It stays midtempo pretty much throughout, and while there are some peaks and valleys, they’re really more like plateaus and basins. There just aren’t a lot of “moments” in the song for the big tricks, which is where historically Vanity has really shined. That said, Kitty gave us several surprising lipsync tricks I did not know that she could do; even if they were ungainly, she still did them! Alas she also did some of those auntie dance moves that I think we should all pretend we just didn’t see. Vanity, meanwhile, was present for the lipsync, but did not really seem engaged. This was her fourth straight week in the bottom overall, and she had been in the Bottom 3 for more than half the episodes of this season. I think she was exhausted and ready to wrap it up. I don’t blame her.
Kitty was named the winner of the lipsync, and Vanity was eliminated. I will miss her. She became an unlikely underdog and I think she won over a LOT of new fans. There’s no doubt that Vanity Vain is a star, and I expect big things from her. And hopefully it encourages people to go out and check out “Drag Race Sverige,” because it’s such a great season.
That leaves us with a Final 5 of Kitty, Alyssa, Tessa, Nehellenia, and Kween Kong. Tessa Testicle in the Final 5 of an “All Stars” season? WILD!
Next: the queens have to film greenscreened tourism ads for their home countries. This was absolute death in “UK vs. the World 2,” so I’m already clenching my b-hole.
What do you think of this season overall? Drop your thoughts in the comments.
Also, if you haven’t watched most of these international seasons, here’s your next homework. “Drag Race Thailand” was not represented on “Global All Stars,” but the series returns in two weeks (October 19) after being off air for literally YEARS. Before Season 3 debuts, catch up on the absolutely insane Season 2, which is available on WoW Presents Plus. It is a wild ride that involves disqualifications, cheating, comebacks, double eliminations, and more than one queen setting themselves on fire on the main stage, and one of the most competitive casts we’ve ever had. You can skip Season 1 (it’s not even available on WoW Presents Plus, I don’t think), and just skip straight to Season 2.
