RECAP: The Traitors (U.S.) Season 3, Episode 5
This GIF encapsulates my general thoughts on Episode 5 of The Traitors Season 3:
What are these people doing? Like ANY of them? Where is the strategy? Where is even basic common sense? Based on what they showed us this episode, two people are playing this game: one Faithful, who is quietly working in the background to actually get rid of the Traitors, and one Traitor, who has grabbed this game by the throat and is bringing it to heel.
Everyone else is floundering or useless. I was super excited for this cast going in, but half of them are still as pointless as a tit on a bull. And I think Production knew it, and started to have some conversations behind the scenes. Note that normally silent Lord Ivar Mountbatten was the one who kicked off the Round Table this episode, and even Sam Asghari said two sentences — more than I think he’s said in total up to this point. (I am grateful for the shower clip, though; feel free to insert more of those with Sam in the coming episodes, maybe invite Dylan to join him.) But my god, what a bunch of dopes. Just…astonishingly dim people.
Read on for my takes on Episode 5 of The Traitors Season 3. SPOILERS AHEAD!
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The Actual Players
Surprising absolutely nobody, “Boston” Rob Mariano fully took control of the game this week after successfully targeting fellow Traitor Bob the Drag Queen last episode. It was inevitable that Rob would quickly make himself HBIC; even if he was playing with competent people, that is his M.O. But playing with people who seemingly just let him steamroll the proceedings, this is a slam dunk.
Still, Rob is in a precarious place. His fellow Traitors, Danielle Reyes and Carolyn Wiger, gave him a gentle chiding in the Watchtower for, you know, slitting the throat of 25 percent of their team. But after some pathetically obvious assurances that he would never do that to them (insert jerkoff motion here), they folded like a pack of cards. They even allowed Rob to have his pick for the next murder victim, which is CRAZY. Danielle and Carolyn have the numbers, and Rob should be acquiescing to get them to trust him. But they just ceded control to this man. It’s crazy to me, truly crazy.
Thankfully, at least a few of the Faithful seem to realize that Rob is very likely a Traitor, prompted in part by Wes Bergmann’s argument at the end of last episode: the only way to know 100 percent that someone is a Traitor is if you are a Traitor yourself. A few people bought into that theory, including Ivar and “Big Brother” vet Derrik Levasseur. Rob got wind of the line of thinking, cornered Wes, and put him in his place in a textbook display of social male dominance. He glared unblinking at Wes as Wes tried — barely — to walk back the statement, and by the end Wes disengaged real quick on any anti-Rob talk. Wes is himself a notable competition-show alpha, not to mention an asshole, so to see him humiliated like this was…really something. Derek at least appears to be readying his shot at Rob.
The one Faithful who is actually playing this game, and playing it well, is Dylan Efron. Not only did he correctly ID Bob the Drag Queen within the first few episodes, he was also starting to turn his attention to Carolyn this episode. He clearly senses something is going on, because he also informed Carolyn about her name being floated as a Traitor by a surprising third party. Dylan is doing a great job, but he also has a huge weakness in that he is fully dickmatized by “Boston” Rob. That man must exude BDE in real life, I swear.
The Traitors
After the Watchtower scene, which resulted in poor Housewives star Robyn Dixon getting cut for — in my opinion — absolutely no reason (“nobody suspects Robyn, so let’s kill her” — what? Instead of someone who is actually capable of winning this game?!), I thought for a moment that Danielle and Carolyn might unite and work together to get rid of Rob. That is the OBVIOUS move, because Rob is Rob and is going to dictate this game for the foreseeable future, and because the two of them certainly cannot trust him. That is OBVIOUSLY how they would proceed, right?
Wrong. Because Danielle has apparently gotten it into her head that she can’t really trust Carolyn, and instead has decided that the smarter move is to get Carolyn eliminated, so that she can replace her with a Traitor she can work with more effectively and THEN get out Rob. I’m sorry, what? We are nearly halfway through this season, and you want to reduce your potential allies to 0, take a chance that whoever is drafted to take that ally’s place is a better fit for your plans, and THEN go after your big internal threat? How does that make ANY sense? I understand that Carolyn’s style of play — hell, her very personality and persona — defies convention. But that is an asset. You can’t trust her because she MAY have a Survivor alliance with Rob? Even though she specifically told you that Rob tried that with her, and she rejected it? That makes absolutely ZERO sense.
This is why I cannot with Big Brother players. I cannot stand the show, and I cannot stand the players because they all think they’re out there doing 4D chess when in reality, they’re barely capable of checkers. This is such a complicated, nonsensical approach to the problem that it will, without question, fail miserably not only for HER (you think Rob isn’t going to catch on to what you’re doing?), but also take out Carolyn’s game too. You just watch.
And Danielle is playing so BADLY. What was she thinking in the challenge, giving away not one but TWO shields to other people, for literally no reason other than, “I feel bad for them”? She alienated her actual ally Derrick to curry favor with someone she barely knows? And then when she’s called out on her very sus behavior, she overreacts? Astonishingly bad playing. Fucking Big Brother players!
The Rest of These Buffoons
I literally don’t know what most of the rest of these players are doing or thinking.
Bless Bob Harper, but that performance in the riddle challenge was embarrassing. A riddle that a 5th grader could solve left him totally clueless, but he still jumped into action, wasting the opportunity to earn money AND showing the group how inept he is?
Tom Sandoval is at least hilariously bad in confessionals and in his gameplay; he’s giving us comic relief even if that is not his intention. From his “Tom Riddle” line to his terrible strategy of trying to get on the board first (when there were only two potential shield spots and they knew that), and then him telling Chrishell Stause, “I know you hate me, but I respected that you did that” — gold. Fucking TV gold.
Speaking of Chrishell, lets get into the most baffling, nonsensical element of this episode, which was the Bambi Alliance eating itself over…literally nothing. Spilling over from last episode’s “short list” twist, in which the Traitors nominated three victims publicly and then killed one, the suspicion reverted back to the two coffin survivors, Ciara Miller from Summer House and WWE star Nikki Garcia. Nikki was in tight with Chrishell and Bachelorette star Gabby Windey, which should have kept her safe at the Round Table. But Chrishell somehow got it in her head that Nikki’s…energy?…shifted after Rob told them that Bob the Drag Queen had mentioned Nikki’s name as a potential Traitor.
Like, what? What exactly was the source of suspicion here? A third-party has told you that someone who was actually a Traitor, but was pretending to be a Faithful, suggested that this woman might be a Traitor, and that makes you think she’s a Traitor? The person who was ACTUALLY a Traitor and hiding it, was suggesting she was a Traitor, and that makes it more likely that she was? Because her “energy shifted” at the suggestion? I honestly do not understand the argument. I believe the professional diagnosis is, “white nonsense.”
Chrishell, in her big dumb hat, had a tearful encounter with Rob in which she relayed her suspicions, and in short order the public sentiment was directed at Nikki for no actual reason. She was put in a coffin and survived, and someone floated her name. That is crazy. At the Round Table, Nikki defended herself calmly but consistently. The fact that she wasn’t dramatic about it was apparently suspicious to some people…but previously when people reacted dramatically, that was also deemed suspicious. See: Bob the Drag Queen. And he turned out to be an actual Traitor.
And so, in a landslide vote, Nikki was the next Faithful voted out, leading to the cratered Bambi Alliance admitting they have no idea what they’re doing in the game. No shit! You guys have nothing to go on, there is no strategy, and the “proof” attached to the allegations would be deemed specious by the witnesses at the Salem Witch Trials.
It’s genuinely shocking to see how bad this group of Faithfuls is playing this game, or to be more accurate, not playing at all. Like, where the fuck is Britney Haynes from Big Brother? What is she DOING? Besides trying to bring half veils back, and Britney I am sorry but you are not the next Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan Dexter.
NEXT: Danielle and Carolyn go for each other’s throats at the Round Table, and I am deeply concerned about how that plays out for Carolyn. Rob must have been loving that…
What do you think of The Traitors Season 3? Drop your thoughts in the comments. The floor is yours!
