RECAP: The Traitors (U.S.) Season 3, Episode 6
“Imagine how stupid we’ll look if we vote out Wes instead of Boston Rob right now.”
I’m paraphrasing the line from episode VIP Derrick Levasseur, but honestly, he couldn’t have known just how prophetic that would prove to be. Because my god, the fucking idiots playing this game. The vacant stares, the theories based on literally nothing, the kneejerk emotional reactions…this is exactly how the Salem Witch Trials happened. Guileless, easily manipulated people distracted by something shiny, pushing them to make the wrong choice over and over again. In that way, this season is a terrific microcosm for the world at large. If you read the news every day and wonder how we got here, just The Traitors Season 3. Because THIS. This is how we got here. THESE are the people who have a say not only in this game, but in this country/planet.
And most of them are fucking imbeciles.
Read on for my takes on Episode 6 of The Traitors Season 3. SPOILERS AHEAD!
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The Utterly Useless
Let’s get these wastes of a booking fee out of the way first.
Chrishell Stause (Selling Sunset): Crishell’s big moment came last week, when she successfully turned the bulk of the Faithfuls against one of her closest allies by starting a bandwagon against WWE star Nikki Garcia because “her energy changed.” Watch out, Sherlock Holmes. With this kind of keen deductive insight, Chrishell might some day discover gravity. This episode she got herself a Shield in the challenge despite having absolutely no heat on her whatsoever. Thanks for nothing, Chrishell.
Ciara Miller (Summer House): I honestly keep forgetting she’s there. The only episode in which she made even the slightest impression was the one where she had been shortlisted, and was deflecting from being seen as a Traitor. Other than that I can’t think of a single significant thing Ciara has done or said in six episodes.
Gabby Windey (The Bachelorette): Since Britney decided to show up this episode (unfortunately), Gabby is now unparalleled in her position as the woman bringing the absolute least to this show. Literally Gabby has done and said nothing useful. Not a single thing.
Ivar Montbatten (British Royal): Even the cast is dragging Ivar for being pointless. Britney started the episode by saying that if he was “murdered,” nobody would notice except that it would be one less person to make tea. On the challenge, his teammates made it clear Ivar was slowing them down. He is seen as unquestionably a Faithful because he’s far too uninteresting to be a Traitor. He is simply there. He didn’t even remember that he himself floated the “Rob is a Traitor” argument. It’s all getting a bit sad.
Sam Asghari (Famous Ex): Six episodes and Sam’s most significant contribution — and airtime — was a too-brief shower scene. This episode he stated that he doesn’t like brownies because “there’s too much chocolate.” How can one man be so wrong about so many things? A cardboard cutout of Britney would have been a more engaging cast member. I might soften my stance were he shirtless more often. Curse the cold Scottish countryside!
The Comically Inept
Tom Sandoval (Vanderpump Rules): If there is one area where The Traitors Season 3 has been reliably great, it is with the effortless dragging of Tom Sandoval. Every episode is a new humiliation, some brought on by himself (those attention-grabbing early-morning pit stains in Episode 2), some of it via his cast mates (Derrick and Wes literally telling him to leave the room so they can have a useful strategy discussion). It is hilarious, and I will never tire of seeing Tom die a little inside as person after person points out how stupid and irritating he is.
Dolores Catania (Real Housewives of New Jersey): The last Real Housewife standing, Dolores has been a nothingburger from a gameplay standpoint. Sandoval specifically said he was suspicious of her because she’s not even attempting to identify Traitors. That’s because Dolores couldn’t give a fuck. She’s here for an appearance fee and a boost in relevancy; she has absolutely no skin in this game. However, after she heard Sandoval was coming for her, she casually gutted him at the Round Table, basically saying, she couldn’t be bothered to defend herself, because Tom’s allegations are utterly pointless. Demure. Mindful. Savage.
Britney Hayes (Big Brother): Prior to Episode 6, Britney was pretty much invisible. We had the hangover awkwardness with Danielle from Big Brother, but truly, who cares about Big Brother? It is and always will be the bargain basement of all the marquee reality-show competitions. This week Britney showed up in a big way, and I wish she hadn’t. A recurring theme with Big Brother contestants on other reality shows (Dan Gheesling in Traitors S2, that asshole who was on The GOAT) is that they think they are absolute masterminds, SO much smarter than everyone else in the room. And they are almost always wrong. It’s truly incredible. Britney had numerous exasperating moments this episode, but the big moment was doubling down on Boston Rob being a Faithful, so much so that she seemingly attempted to sway Dylan Efron in not voting for him, and ultimately swinging the outcome of the Round Table. I suspect this episode will be a definitive one for the course of this season, because this was THE episode they could have gotten Rob out. They failed because of Wes shooting himself in the foot, and Britney’s hubris. I’m praying she doesn’t last much longer, I cannot stand her.
At Least They’re Trying
Derrick Levasseur (Big Brother): As previously mentioned, Derrick was the star of this episode. While Wes had started the move to get Rob voted out, it was Derrick who did the most lobbying and put together a compelling narrative for the Round Table. He is playing this game hard, but has shown smarts in his approach. That all likely ended this episode, as Boston Rob has to view Derrick as an existential threat to his continued place in the game, and if Rob has demonstrated one thing, it is that he cannot handle anyone challenging him. I will be stunned if Derrick lasts much longer, but after this Round Table vote, none of these Faithfuls deserve to win. So honestly, let them fail.
Dylan Efron (famous brother): Dylan is sharp and genuinely seems engaged with what’s going on. His fatal flaw is that he’s completely dickmatized by Rob. I’m a gay man and I have been never been as entranced by a man as Dylan Efron is of Rob Mariano. My god. I appreciated Derrick pulling Dylan aside after the Round Table vote and stressing that, no, really Rob is almost certainly a Traitor, because it shows that Derrick also recognizes that Dylan is one of the few Faithful worth playing with. Most of the rest of them are mentally checked out or never arrived to begin with.
The Traitors Themselves
As incompetent as the Faithful of Season 3 are — and they are on the whole truly imbeciles — the Traitors are nearly just as bad. Multiple times this episode Boston Rob referred to the trio as “a complete disaster.” And he’s right. It’s also mostly his fault. Let’s break it down.
Boston Rob (Survivor): While I do think the original Traitor trio of Bob the Drag Queen, Danielle, and Carolyn were going to struggle to hide their identities — Bob and Danielle especially were overplaying their hands — the entire dynamic of the Traitors shifted when Rob was brought in a few episodes late. Rob did what he always does on the many, many reality shows on which he has competed: domineer and dominate through intimidation and sheer force of will. After he cut Bob the Drag Queen, Danielle and Carolyn acquiesced (Carolyn was always the odd voice out), and he has basically been calling the shots since. But Rob has a target on his back. Two, in fact. First, just from an in-game perspective, he is doing exactly what he accused Bob the Drag Queen of doing, calling the shots and pulling focus. Secondly, he is Boston Rob, and an obvious threat, and an even more obvious Traitor. Every single person at that table should be gunning for him, and the fact that the majority of them seem to just be going with it frankly defies belief. But again: stupid. I personally did not think that Rob’s defense at the Round Table this episode was particularly effective. Yes, he survived, but I don’t think he actually succeeded in quelling anyone’s suspicions. I think Wes just made an ass of himself more.
Carolyn Wiger (Survivor): You can feel Carolyn’s frustration through the TV, and I don’t blame her. She wasn’t taken seriously on her season of Survivor, despite playing a deceptively good game. She’s not being taken seriously by her fellow Traitors here, and I think she’s actually the Traitor playing the least-obvious game. She finds Rob patronizing (he is), but ultimately, that’s all secondary to the absolute mess Danielle has created with her insane plan to target one of her fellow Traitors. I don’t blame Carolyn at all for coming for Danielle in that Round Table. We saw the footage that supported her assertion that Danielle had put her name out to multiple people. Sure, that happened before this episode and Danielle’s promise to “make it right.” But it ultimately speaks to have quickly and intensely Danielle worked to implicate Carolyn the episode before, and I sure wouldn’t be able to trust her after that. The reaction that both Rob and Carolyn had to Danielle admitting that she told Britney that Carolyn mentioned her based on a potential murder-victim convo was hilarious. I howled at the end of the episode when Carolyn said point blank in the Watchtower that the only reasonable answer is for her and Rob to target Danielle next. I don’t know how this all ends, but given how pointless the Faithful are this season, I guess I’m thankful the Traitors all hate each other’s guts and are gunning for one another.
Danielle Reyes (Big Brother): Danielle has truly fucked herself and I don’t see how she gets out of this. She correctly wants to get rid of Boston Rob, but foolishlessly voted for him at the Round Table this episode despite not having the votes. There’s no way Rob allows that to continue for long. But this whole thing with Carolyn is such a massive unforced error, and frankly Danielle deserves to lose for this. Her scheme, concocted last episode, to target Carolyn for banishment so that she could get in a new Traitor who hopefully she could trust more — insanity. Absolutely crazy pants. And now she’s about to find out. Once again, these Big Brother folks. Legends in their own minds.
The Eliminated
Speaking of self-proclaimed legends, this week we lost Bob Harper (The Biggest Loser), murdered only because he mentioned Rob’s name last episode (sensing a pattern?), and Wes Bergmann (The Challenge). I have never liked Wes. I’ve always found him to be a douchebag, and I’m glad we got one of the supposed alpha males out of the house (again, because Rob considered him a threat to his dominance). But I’m concerned because he was one of the only players actually engaging in this game, and one of the best chances to take out Rob. But Wes fucked himself, in typical fashion, by capping off his defense of himself by threatening anyone who voted for him in no uncertain terms. The people around the table, particularly the women, did not care for that at all. So even though a compelling case had been made for Rob, and no such compelling case for Wes, he got banished because he hurt people’s feelings. And that’s why these Faithfuls deserve to fail.
What do you think of The Traitors Season 3? Drop your thoughts in the comments. The floor is yours!
